Second Marriages

They say the first time is sometimes the practice run and the second is the charm . Second marriages are becoming more and more popular, which is natural given the 50% divorce rate that we currently see today. However, there are some things to take into consideration when getting married a second time.

Second weddings are perfect for planning an even more special and personal day, since you have been through it all before, you know what worked and what didn't. Here are a few areas that should be considered when planning a second wedding:

Pre-Wedding Events – although you may or may not be involved, events such as showers or Stag and Does, may not always be considered tasteful a second time around. If you both had a Stag and Doe with many of the same guests, it may be wise to forgo the event and host a casual BBQ to celebrate instead, without the fundraising element. Showers are also an area to treat with caution, if potential guests were invited to a shower the first time around, either choose not to have a shower or spread the word through your wedding party and family that those who gave a gift the first time around should not feel obligated to bring a gift and do not include a gift opening as part of the festivities. The best rule of thumb to follow is that if the guest gave you a gift at your first marriage, it should not be expected at your second. You may be pleasantly surprised at how many will appreciate your thoughtfulness and give a gift anyways because you have made it their choice rather than an obligation.

Registries –Some couples that have been married before simply don't register due to the fact that they don't want guests to feel obligated to give a second wedding gift. If you choose this avenue, spread the word to the wedding party what type of gifts you would like for those that ask. Chances are if you are planning a second marriage you have most of what couples traditionally register for already. If you do choose to register, please spread the word tastefully. Do not include a registry card with wedding or shower invitations, if guests ask you or the wedding party, let them know where they can find the registry, but don't make your guests feel as though they have to bring another gift.

Wedding Gifts – Guests who attend the wedding should still bring a gift, as you are throwing a second party and incurring the expense. However, don't be offended if someone who attended your first wedding chooses not to bring a gift, many are unclear about wedding etiquette for second marriages and they may simply not be aware. Some couples who have everything already ask their guests to donate to their favourite charity instead, which is a wonderful way to start your new life by giving back to other's less fortunate.

Attire – Traditional etiquette suggests that wearing a shade other than white is the most acceptable, however there are many brides today that choose to wear white on their second or third marriages. Given that many second marriages are more casual, it may be wise to forgo the veil and cathedral train, but your dress should be a reflection of the day. If you choose to follow tradition, opt for a candlelight shade instead of white, which is popular with all brides. There is more freedom in second marriage attire, no one will think twice if you choose a fun colour or choose a cocktail dress rather than a formal one. The groom and the wedding party should also dress to reflect the formality of the day, whatever you choose.

Guest List – The guest list can be as open or closed as you choose. This is the one area that getting married a second time wins over the first marriage hands down. There are not as many expectations for you to invite distant relatives and generally second marriage guest lists are significantly smaller than their first marriage counterparts with only close family and friends sharing in the day. Inviting your ex is completely up to you, if children are involved it may be inevitable, but you are not obligated to extend an invitation if you choose not to. The guest list is up to you, if you didn't have a big wedding the first time around and you want the glitz and glam go for it, you deserve it.

Invitations – Second marriages are generally hosted by the couple and should be addressed as such in the invitations. And don't forget that traditional etiquette for any wedding discourages including your registry information.

Location - The locations for second marriages are endless, although trends for second marriages lean towards more casual locations such as destination or garden weddings. This may be partially due in part to a church may or may not marry you. Check with your clergy about the rules for second marriages in your faith as they vary greatly.

Children – Second marriages often bring children on one or both sides. Accept that this is a huge transition for the kids and they have little in the pending nuptials. Ensure that you still spend plenty of time with the children leading up the day and have lots of family bonding time. At the same time, spend some quality time with your children one on one and address any concerns they may have about the upcoming marriage. Have a special role for your children, perhaps as part of the wedding party, a reader or even as part of the vows themselves. There are ceremonies specifically to include children and even family rings to make the children feel special and truly part of the day and the vows. Ultimately you want you children to happy and part of a family, although this may take some time and work, it will be well worth it in the end.

Second weddings are a very special occasion. It is a second chance at love and commitment with eyes wide open to all marriage has to offer.

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